Bring everyone that has loved you with you

This quote and in my eyes poetry was stated by Maya Angelou.  I seem to always fall upon it on my deepest of reflection days and when turning points in my life are going to arise.  As some of you know my friends, closest clients, and family that my Nana passed last year about a month after Mother’s Day.  I actually had my last interaction with her one week after Mother’s Day last year.  I remember as I saw her in her final days her Irish beauty and fire was still all there intact.  To me my Nana will always be remembered as the person who stood by my side through confirmation, the woman who gave her compassion to nursing, a spitfire without even knowing it that raised a family and extended family at times, a person who made mistakes and in ways never recovered from those, and a soul that will continue to look down upon me and find her way in by teaching me something new about myself. 

Even though my Nana passed a year back, family trauma sometimes places a soul to rest even before that.  As I said, we all have our demons and sometimes those demons you go to rest with.  I have learned through this journey over this past year that someone else’s journey and mistakes are not for me to carry.  To appreciate the beauty and the spitfire that was a role model to me in my life and to any role model that comes before me is the learning experience here.  I share my story and reflection with all of you since this past year I have been doing my deepest homework and learning more and more about the process of grieving and true acceptance of life and everything even when ugly that life throws at us we grow from and need to face. 

Bring everyone that has loved you with you

I am in my bathroom with a cup a coffee my husband made for me six months back and I find tears rolling down my face.  Tears that came since when I looked in the mirror I saw a reflection of my Nana and how when I was little she would get ready for work and carry her blackest cup of coffee up to the shower with her after 1pm or so since she was always working that mid-day nursing shift to 11pm at night and sometimes a double.  The reflection I saw brought back memories of her taking care of my Papa before he passed when I was going into 3rd grade and how her favorite Soap opera General  Hospital was always in the background playing as I was dancing around in my pigtails and even on those days as I visited her as a teenager. 

Bring everyone that has loved you with you

Those tears and that reflection time was a deep cleanse and it allowed me to make a major breakthrough.  The breakthrough was this that I didn’t need to carry the things of my Nana with me that didn’t serve me.  Her baggage was her baggage and in ways the baggage was a very real, honest, and yes very ugly lesson to teach me what is right, how I should move forward in life with my work, my family, and especially how I should raise my kids.  I saw through her how being the head of a family is very hard at times and when you place your morals aside at times how individuals can walk all over that.  I saw how children in her life were lost due to unforsaken circumstances and how other relationships were not worked through due to fear and in that same respect were lost. 

Bring everyone that has loved you with you

Yes, I have come to terms with letting go and experiencing the true grieving process along the way of individuals we love.  The letting go can’t happen by others telling you to do this.  The letting go and coming to grips with past and acceptance of how you can’t make others see right from wrong.  The letting go happens with time, a lot of deep homework with reflection and writing, and saying out loud that yes, I do love this person and will bring her with me since she has loved me.  But, her past mistakes and baggage I can learn to leave behind. 

Bring everyone that has loved you with you

That beautiful Irish spirit and fire at times runs through me and is a direct link to my Nana.  When I asked her years back to be my sponsor for confirmation and as I took the name of Little Flower St. Theresa everyone asked me “Why Nana?” I said, because I love how she always keeps moving, going, and thriving even when she doesn’t think she is.  Our deepest lessons are always right before us in life.  Our best mentors are usually the ones we get to see love us, hug us, and yes even fail in front of us.  But, that vulnerability and ability to pick ourselves back up even after the hardest of times is something that will fight its way through to your heart if you plan on bringing that special soul with you through your life journey. 

Bring everyone that has loved you with you

Nana will be looking down upon me even when I don’t want her to come in she will find a way.  She has led my teaching this year in a great way.  I was able to develop quite a community tribe with my work in movement similar to her compassionate tribes in nursing.  Her voice even at times would be there when I didn’t think my work was making a difference in people’s lives in my role as a counselor and guider.  Somehow she made her way in to this very reflective mind of mine.  I feel in ways that every time her spirit shows up it is just one way to remind me she is always here carrying through life through my adventures.  In ways I feel her show up time is a time where she is saying she is sorry too for letting me down where she didn’t lay her demons to rest and she is truly proud of me that I have learned to let go where I can and to grow from her lessons of her spirit knocking of my door.  I still hear her voice saying I love you Lindsay.  Now, get out there and shine. 

On this Mother’s Day bring everyone that has loved you with you for there is a lesson to be learned that you will all grow from. 

This blog was written by Lindsay Schaefer creator and founder of Movement for You practice and artistic director of Artists in Unity www.movementforyou.com www.artistsinunity.com

You can check out more of Lindsay Schaefer’s work via her Facebook and Instagram sites via her websites and her first book is available on Amazon The Process, The Practice, The Artist https://www.amazon.com/Process-Practice-Artist-Lindsay-Schaefer/dp/1503352935/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1494435335&sr=8-1&keywords=lindsay+schaefer+The+process+the+practice+the+artist

 

 

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